This evening I went to the hospital to take part in a group with other mom's of children, who have or who have had a sarcoma. Yes, I know this has nothing to do with getting mauled by a bear, but I'll get there.
Tonight's meeting was the first meeting and was labeled as a meet and greet. I told Pat that I was going to this meeting and was looking forward to meeting some other women who know what it is like to walk a mile in my shoes. She said, "oh great, a support group", that will be good for you. I told her it was not a support group as I have, not now or ever, had any interest in going to a support group. I told her it was just a group and that we may get some support from it, but that it is not a support group.
So let me tell you about the wonderful evening I had at my new support group! It's OK Pat, you can say I told you so if you want.
There were about 20 of us there. One mom whose child was just diagnosed last month, several in various stages of their treatment journey, a few who are almost done, me who was the newest attendee out of treatment, and several women multiple years out of treatment. We had a lot of laughs and some tears. I was surprised at how easily we all seemed to connect. Childhood cancer is so rare, and sarcoma's some of the rarest. In hearing from each person at each stage, I was able to see myself months ago in some women, some of where I'm at with others, hope for the future with others and a combo of all of the above.
I shared a blog link in CaringBridge, or CB from here on out, titled why life after treatment can be harder than the chemo. Or something like that. I am finding that adjusting to life on the "outside" is just as hard as our medical providers/ blogger said it would be. It's hard to relate to people and daily life. I started this journey as one person and emerged on the other end, the same person but very much changed. Now it's time to find my way, which takes time. Everyone else in attendance, post treatment, felt the same which is comforting. The group is a safe way to vent some feelings about adjustment without hurting anyone's feelings and have some laughs! This safe place to engage and share is important for us moms. Because for us it is not over, nor will it ever be. Especially for the next 5 years, with the threat of a recurrance hanging over your head. Only someone who has walked this walk knows how I feel.
I met a woman named Paula who likes to eat her ice cream while watching the biggest loser, while I usually had mine for breakfast. I am looking forward to seeing Paula again! I bring up Paula, becuase she was talking about CB. She didn't know I wrote about eating ice cream on CB. She also said her CB site became a lot about her journey, just as ours is. Then she expressed that she should not have quit writing after treatment. That was it for me. So here I am writing my first blog at 11pm. I see this site has been visited 145 times with nothing on it. Thank you. I'm back, and am realizing I am happy to be writing this.
I met "D", who I had seen before at bone tumor clinic, but had never talked with. Her daughter also had an osteosarcoma and they are almost done with treatment. They are from Alaska and living in the Ronald McDonald House. She told me she is looking forward to going home and that she went home recently on an unexpected trip. Reason for trip..... Her boyfriend was mauled by a grizzly bear! Wasn't expecting to hear that. The boyfriend is recovering and will be fine. Luckily he was swiped at and not bitten, but being swiped at, by a big huge bear, is pretty crazy.
After making sure he was okay etc. I shared with her a story: Years ago, I had recently been certified in SCUBA and was on a dive boat in Hawaii, about ready to go on our dive. I was talking to a guy sitting next to me, telling him how excited I was. He told me he was looking forward to the dive, but would feel better once we were in the water. He went on to further explain that right before any dive he gets a little apprehensive ever since he was bitten by a great white shark while surfing in the SF Bay area. Then he showed me the shark bite scar. I swear, this is a true story, I did not make it up.
So, I shared my shark story with her and stated that I was surprised to now be hearing another crazy animal survival story. So what's my point? I'm not really sure, but it's something along the lines of life is crazy and you never know what's around the bend, at least that's what the two of us decided. This is my life and I'm going to keep on moving forward with a grateful heart and a positive attitude, or as much of that as I can muster each day. But, even on a bad day, being grateful for what I have and positive about the future is at the center of everything I believe in.
That being said, I am glad to have never been bitten by a great white or mauled by a grizzly bear!
