I've been thinking a lot about bravery. Everyone says how brave I am, yet I don't look at it that way. I'm just doing what needs to be done. I think almost anyone in my shoes would do the same. What's the alternative after all? Sitting on the couch watching Planet of the Apes, feeling sorry for myself? Would that help save my son's life? No, it wouldn't, nor would it be healthy for my son, myself, daughter, husband, marriage or the health of our family.
So the new questions is, why do you think I'm brave? Or why do we think anyone is brave? I think it is because the ones we think are brave, are people battling something we can barely fathom, and of which we are frightened. Which leads me to my next idea, bravery is only possible when facing the unfathomable and/or that which fills us with fear. It's only in these circumstances when people are truly brave.
Life is filled will smaller terrors that make us afraid, thus requiring bravery. Standing up to your boss or teacher to express your idea. Asking for something from someone. Ending a relationship. Daring to make a new friend, placing your trust in someone, apologizing, trying something new. Choosing to make changes in your own life which inevitably will cause others to change, and thus we have created a new unknown. The list is so long....
So really we are all brave, and our bravery is a result of how we choose to respond to what life throws at us on any given day. I'm sure D's boyfriend was more frightened that any of us can imagine when he was mauled by that bear, but he was brave and most likely TERRIFIED beyond belief!
I am brave because I had/have to be. The level of fear has been/sometimes is, more intense that I ever thought possible. Now I have to be brave in a different way, because picking up the pieces of your life, after such an ordeal, is hard and full of unknowns. It's not like you can just stand up, dust yourself off, and go on as if nothing ever happened and resume life like before. That option is off the table even if you wanted to go that route. I have been surrounded by brave people, caregivers. patients, friends, family and the medical professionals who dare to let their lives be touched, daily, by those of us fighting for our own lives.
While many people say they can't imagine what I am/was going through, I could say the same about our doctors and medical professionals. These people are so brave, because they do what they do, everyday, by choice! Choosing to work in a field where you have to look terrified people in the face and deliver good, bad and terrible news, fills me with fear. I wouldn't want to do what they do. They choose to help people despite the uncomfortable, perhaps sometimes painful, aspects of their jobs. I believe some people are blessed with some gifts that you either have or don't, some gifts can't be learned, only enhanced. The oncology team, in addition to all their medical learning, definitely posses some of these gifts. The staff at Children's are brave for embracing, growing their gifts of compassion/medical expertise and sharing/caring their entire skill set with so many families. For these brave professionals I am sure the lows are hard and the successes so rewarding. I am grateful to have had the best medical care from the amazing and brave group at Seattle Children's Hospital.
